so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize