Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
