yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
