I could make wine with my vomit
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
