I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
