I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
