no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
