btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
