At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
