I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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