How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
