Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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