so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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