drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
