he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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