My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
