So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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