dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
