im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
