Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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