You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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