So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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