yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
