i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize