Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
