dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
