You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize