Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
