People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
