She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
