Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
do nipples grow back?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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