So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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