I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
