Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
