Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
