so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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