Do you still have your period?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
