Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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