im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
