The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
