hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
