hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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