Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
