just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
