So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
