Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
