I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
