please come you make the beer taste better
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
