At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize