I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
