New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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