So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
