I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
