Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
