My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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