We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
