went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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