break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
