I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
