At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
