just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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