hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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