Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
