It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
