So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
