my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize