somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
