my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
